These are the words my therapist said to me last week.
I had rushed out of work, rushed to the bus stop, caught the wrong bus, followed by another wrong bus, called her to inform her I was running late. Sadly, this has now become a common occurrence. I understand many therapists read into clients being late. In my case, it is because I finish work and always get stuck in the traffic and they are always changing the bus time/routes. Of course, one can argue; Why don’t you leave work earlier? (My office hours are strictly advertised in advance) Why do you arrange your session for another time? (Her availability) Why don’t you pay £14 for a taxi there? (I really don’t have the money to throw on a Taxi when I save up to my therapy on my wage!)
On apologising yet again, she replied; “Have some dignity being late.. I’ll still be here waiting.” It stuck with me. Perhaps on some level I was bringing in my stuff about being rude due to my own thoughts of lateness. We spoke and she clarified she would rather I turn up non frazzled and calm, rather than an out-of-breath mess.
On musing later on, it highlighted to me that it’s okay to be late; it’s only human. No matter what I do to get to those sessions, I will somehow always be late, because I can’t control the outside world (the buses, my wage, the traffic, the roadworks, my therapists availability, my job contract)
All I can control are my thoughts and my dignity.
There are so many things that are still shaded out in my Johari window to work through.